what a mess. what a wonderously weaved web of a mess. today brett n mike were at my house...n we were playing smash. my step father walks in and i immediately feel uncomfortable, and my performance in the game and general mood suffer noticeabley. im not sure why my 'uncle joel' has this effect on me. he's not really mean to me, n hes not really nice to me. he has however put a roof over my head, and food on the table. but then again, my mom is working again now, too. the other day (sunday), i came home from meeting bob and other smashers just a lil ways from lake waterford...and my mother asked me to return the videos we had rented awhile ago. she's sitting at the kitchen table with uncle joel n he says (to my mother in tagalog) "buy water". and so my mom needlessly translates to me what he said because 1-i understood what he said, and 2-its not like i didnt hear him. like he cant speak to me directly, unless its about some house chore, feeding the children, or scolding me for doing something stupid. maybe its just cuz my pop called and shook my faith or lack thereof in him again. i slept over my mikes the night he called, and mike/brett asked about the call, and i outright said "fuck him". now that i think about it i regret putting it that way, but it saddens me that its come to that. it used to be so that just saying 'shut up' to him was a tremendous disrespect that made me feel like absolute shit for saying it. but now....it seems he's intermittently attempting to gain my respect. he hasn't exactly earned that back just yet...


*sigh*...i had a dream the other night. that i was with my little bros and my cousin justin. we were staying in some hotel room, close to a carnival type thing. the only thing i remember happening was me playing with a cat for some reason...and then the cat freaking out, and clawing at my eyes. i could feel the induvidual claws sinking into my eyeballs. it was horrible. i didnt want to pull the cat away cuz it wouldve taken my eyes with it.

i want to talk about bob. chris from smashboards randomly appeared at my door sunday and asked if i wanted to go meet bob and smash at his house. brett then joined in at my house and we went to bobs house who turned out to live just a few minutes away. the house was immense, it was probably about 3 times as big as my house. but yes, there we met bob, matt, keary, and cody. i played them one on one and beat them all. given, i only played one match against them all. but it was still a great performance for me i thought. playing so much smash actually paid off in this situation. meeting new people, that were probably better than i am, but being triumphant, all the while...having a good time. so i talk to meghan later that sunday evening..
and she tells me how i could be doing more constructive things with my time. and she was probably right. i mean. i play in my free time, and what will it get me in the end? probably nothing. maybe a lil respect as a good player in other's eyes, but whats that worth in the real world? less than the time thats put into it most likely. will it get me a job? im not that lucky.

i guess i see it more like...
does it keep me from going insane from boredom? yeah
did video games help me find friends like jeremy, zach, aaron, random, dac, and b-rad? yes.


video games has its pros and cons....but as long as i feel balanced enough to have them in my life, i'm going to have them in my life.

i dont know why i just typed that spiel about games....



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» Ricky (218.28.111.46) on 2011-07-10 09:56:09

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