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the beginning (a simple seed) ~the classic crime
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table, it will be locked
til i get home

i'm growing feeble and tired of the world
tired of constantly missing my girl
and i long to smell the sea

the sea...
the sea-yeah

i miss the Pacific Ocean
and the northwestern air
and run each of my fingers
through the strands of her hair

ive been over this country lately
but i've been nowhere it seems, nowhere

but ive found the cure to my landlocked blues
its coming home to you

you

if a simple seed
gets just what it needs
then a redwood tree can grow
up to a hundred feet
and endure the sleet and the snow

but if my whole life
was wrapped and priced
i wonder what the tag would show
cuz everytime im close to the holy ghost
i let her go

i let her go...

i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table
it will be locked, til i get home
calendario


March 2017

  S  M  T  W  T  F  S
           1  2  3  4
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quotes i'd like to save...
-=How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd=- ~Alexander Pope

-=ur the sunshine after the rain, the tylenol to my pain=-~me

-='I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry=- ~ W.H. Auden

-=live ur life, make ur heaven=- ~me reflecting upon stuff i learned at yfc

-=life isnt measured by the breaths u take, but moreso the number of breaths u take away=-~meggyo's profile
another year goes by
Saturday. 8.22.15 10:15 pm
haha i feel like i'm competing against my last blog entry for epic-ness. but of course, that's not what these things are for. a lot is the same:

-family and friends still loved.
-vacation still loved!

but what's different? what's new? what's getting better?

Bethany beach this year was different in that it was a honest to goodness, through and through family vacation. It was planned months in advance, so we very much looked forward to it. It included wife, toddler, newborn (4months), nan+grandad (the inlaws), and a verbose older cousin. The grandparents showered kiddies with beach gifts, the sea and sand were thoroughly enjoyed, and quality time was spent with all combinations of people. whole group, just me and the wife, me and the inlaws, me and the kids, me and father-dear, just me. Twas a great week.

My son is what's new. He unfortunately has inherited the bad skin traits of both my wife and me. Eczema. The wife takes it upon herself to deny herself gluten, soy, and dairy. I need to figure out a way to keep viable food for her...taking care of kid number one was tough I guess, but now it's like the same tough with a 2yr old gremlin trying to physically mess with everything. I do stop and catch the glory that is having children in the house though. Fleeting moments like the elation incited by shaking a stuffed animal, or endearing instances of wanting to participate in assembling a crib. It's a powerful feeling of parental pride in "small" stuff like seeing your daughter play nice with others, share, or take care of her little brother. I feel my life enriched by them. (when they're not whining/crying)

Getting better....haha maybe my attitude? It like my radar for frustration just doesn't detect things like it used to. I feel more and more comfortable at work with my co workers. I'm continuing softball for a 2nd year in a row. My 2nd baseman skills have been ok so far. I got a compliment from the best baseball mind on our team saying i was "probably the most athletic" on the team. Heh, i guess it's good to know I'm not getting THAT old yet. I turned 30, and I gotta say...i feel my age. And I like it.

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i drive myself crazy.
Sunday. 8.10.14 11:09 pm
i am one of the most easy going, disarming people when it comes to being "good company". some might say i let people walk all over me. when it comes to myself though...i drive myself crazy. i get nervous, and inwardly scold myself for being nervous, and afterwards i try to let my own scolding roll off my back. i curse the with the most anger when it comes to personally messing up something like forgetting to bring reusable bags to pick up groceries. maybe i just bottle it all up and unload on myself in large doses instead of smaller doses on others.....*sigh* who knows...




summer is over for me. work starts up again tomorrow. i feel slightly bad for "complaining" at all about my summer vacation ending, but it gives me a chance to step back and take stock of my life.

-i love my wife
-i love our daughter
-i love our friends and family
-i love vacation time.

-i can handle my job. i only love it sometimes. i'm working on it...*rimshot*
-i can handle my house not being a mansion. also something that's going to change over time.

period.

i mean what the fuck else is there right? i can't go to otakon? it crossed my mind, but I don't miss it. getting worse at video games? gaming does have a large piece of real estate in my heart of hears. i'm figuring the time involved in "keeping up" for games like smash and tekken just doesn't fit into my life anymore. but on the flip side of that, i'm diversifying what games i can enjoy. bring on pikmin, monster hunter, any RPG.

this summer i.... jumped head first into a softball league! annnd had the presence of mind to include one of my best friends whom i'm afraid of growing distant from. i took my family to the lake. my family went to bethany beach with my inlaws, an inescapable tradition (we tried going somewhere else but ended up at bethany anyway). we went to a different beach in the middle of the week with a friend with a kid playmate for Camille. i went to 4 baseball games thanks to my father in law. repeatedly took the family out to the science center in baltimore. we spent time with new, like-minded friends and had a posh museum brunch (Gertrude's) just today on someone else's dime. I taught my brother how to parallel park, and back into a spot.i put Camille to bed 30 times, gave her 100 kisses, and witnessed a thousand smiles. i admired my wife, all her perfect imperfections, all of her grace and hilarious disgraces.

I love having a summer vacation. for a second there i thought i wasted it.
*breath* i feel better. life goes on tomorrow, and i'm cool with that.

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what causes an emotional reaciton.
04/16/2011 8:08:35 PM
i'm feeling numb..ish. maybe a lil..pointless. *sigh* i dunno. i guess more...lacking in a real passion or hardship. kinda a mildly boring middle ground. the best song writers pour emotion into their music.
a..
sharp painful experience.
stinging insult in song form.
graceful expression of thanks.
rhapsodic call from the rooftops of insanely loving love.

what was my last sharp painful experience? abandonment comes to mind....

father,dad, pop. when i was just 7 or 8, you took me to shoot a basketball. couldn't launch the ball that high from the ground. i looked up to you, shooting it with one hand, with such a natural ease, nothing but net.

i'll never forget you.

casinos were your favorite spots. race tracks a close second best. you taught me to entertain myself with a few arcade games. it was a start of something big for me. a staple in my life - the games, not the gambling. from your mistakes, i learned.


i'll always thank you. never hate you.


and now. now you're safe. away from the drugs, away from the things that poisoned you so. but your sons...are forever your sons. distance will not change that. the younger two may forget, or more-so will not have many reminders to realize they've forgotten. i'll always remember the way you loved to sing along to "lite rock" on 96.5 k.o.i.t. Your absolute standard of respect, but with a simultaneous readiness for fun. both at any and all times. i'll easily recall your jokes. puti 'to, mas puti 'to. your pure devotion to your friends... a sort of distance from your family.. i guess i missed that from both of my parents.

theres only so much to remember. i only knew you until 8th grade. i only had a father up to 8th grade. barely a sentient being, and for so little time, i feel i didn't get a chance to return the love you gave me. i want to make you proud. to show you my gratitude. to feel you pat me on the back, with those rough hands that before i was 4, scratched my back until i fell sound asleep.

i'll never forget you. i'll always love you Pop.

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brand new....or knock off old me
Tuesday. 4.5.11 7:54 pm
words fail. when one's brain is teeming with thoughts, when one's tongue tip is the diving board for ideas...words fail. somethings are better expressed without words: a high five of triumph , a grin of deceit, a snapshot of a sunset.

somethings shouldn't ever be uttered. christian's swear not to swear. the world of harry potter has a character referred to as "he who shall not be named" or something like that. Apparently, "bomb" is a taboo word when located on a plane- "bombardier" is equally frowned upon.

i like words. i like words like a fat kid likes sitting down. i enjoy words the way a blacksmith enjoys a good hammer. i wield words how a ninja does his stealth. i play with words like Bobby Fischer used rooks.

((this is when inspiration struck me, and i wrote a song called.....grin of deceit))

heh...word.

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thinksgiving
Wednesday. 11.25.09 2:13:48 pm
i've been thinking...

i get on my own nerves. i think in social situations i'm better off just shutting up an laughing amiably at jokes of others. i'm just not that clever, or witty. i rely on a few "go to" remarks to get by most of the time. "good one" "got em" "whooped ya" and even those i can't call original to just me. *sigh*...anyway, whining certainly won't get me anywhere.


i'm thankful for...


my mother. i sure haven't shown it to her but, i appreciate her being there when i need her. i also appreciate her leaving me be. she's never been overbearing, and that's something to be grateful for.

my dad. he's no longer my long lost father whom could be dead for all i know. i've called him a couple times, wished him a happy birthday this past october 28th, and he let me know when he got a new phone number the other day. i'm glad he has me in mind at least that much.

my bros. ha. the "babies" as i used to call em. i prolly need to get outta that habit. keiko's improving his grades as a junior. jj started his highschool career with straight as. and jerichoooo however, is struggling in middle school. i have faith he'll be ok though. him and my mom probably have the tightest relationship. jericho will be the one that comforts mom the most though.

my friends. niki, got a bunch of us running, ran the jingle bell run, and whooped. sank, where i lack in wit, sank makes up with hilarity left to spare. mike, the steady rock in the lives of many people-always dependable and honest. amy, the quirky fun loving multi faceted ying to mikes..... wang. hahahahahahahahhaa
*sigh* i could go on forever with brett, nick, casey, zach, danny, jen..... yes i do still consider them part of the gang. thank you all. Everyday wouldn't be nearly as great without you guys.


and last but certainly not least:

meghan. i'm thankful for a million things she does everyday. this year...the thing about meghan i'm most thankful for is...putting up with me. funny thing is, she thinks i'm the one putting up with her sometimes. but i think i've been the one fucking up more, being more grumpy, and more out of it. i'm lucky she knows how to deal with my stupidity, and also how to correct it through out discussions.

enough gushing. enough whining.
tomorow: eating.




happy thanksgiving everyone!

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Wow is an understatement.
Thursday. 7.30.09 1:01 am
my last entry was September of 2007.*breath*...needless to say. a lot has changed since then. looking back at that entry...i had just finished my first week or 2 of teaching. and here i am only a couple of weeks away from starting my third year of teaching. lets start with what's the same.

-other than teaching...
-still with meghan. she hasn't gotten sick of me yet, heh. and i her.
-still decently close with most of my maryland friends.
-family still good, no big changes there. my pop is still a bit of a mystery, but i got a phone call recently so he's alive, and relatively well so i'm glad to know that.


and that's all i can think of that has stayed.
instead of just spanish 1&2..i'm getting a section of spanish 4. that should be cool getting an upperclass group of kids.

meghan and i live together in an apartment, and are engaged to be married. during a trip to canada...with a ring entrusted to me by her parents, i proposed at night next to the niagara falls, under fireworks, on one knee. we plan to buy a townhouse and then have the wedding in 2011. no kids in the near future plans though. we do have a dog. cali aka girlie- the hotdog. short for caliente. (perro caliente is hot dog in spanish)

im cool with my friends but the dynamic has changed a lot since our usual days in mikes basement. couples have parted, gone through hell, and are going through much strain. new approaches to life for them have developed, and are still developing. california folks are a sad distance away physically and personally, but i did try to reach out to a couple. mixed results so far, but i guess i'm just...i dunno. curious i guess. or something like it. i half want a pessimist to confront me about whats up. so i can put myself to the test. do i want what i have? do i have what i want? i want the test, because i desire to backup explicitly to myself why i've made the decisions i've made. i don't need the proof per se, i just want to spell it out. getting engaged to meghan was a feeling, an instinct, a notion that needed to be solidified, officialized, and real inside of me. mind, body, and soul. i know the only way i'll be truely happy is if she is. and that's the absolute truth. and when i proposed, meghans jaw dropped, her eyes lit up brighter than the fireworks, and the following days of her absolutely gushing happiness to her friends and family as the news was relayed through text message, and phone call. this...this joy that i incited.. hopefully is only a glimpse at wedding happiness, and the cumulative pleasures of spending a lifetime together. i feel this is my purpose in life. to bring about positive-ness in general. with meghan i can do that the most.


there was a question once i read where it was like..if a plane was crashing and you could either save your significant other or a hundred strangers, who would you save? i guess at a time in my life, i wanted to bend the rules and just "save" everyone i could. but if the question were different, if it were if you could make 100 people generally happy, or 1 person ecstatic who would you make happy? now i know in my heart, i'd have to dedicate myself to that one person to truely make him/her(in my case-her) fully, and whole-heartedly....and this is how "why im getting married to meghan" is spelled out.

i guess i don't really need that test afterall...thanks anyway pessimists. i'd still like to talk though. i'm kinda short on conversation with anyone other than meghan so... here are a few thoughts that you can comment on if you feel an urge to:

i was buying a jacket, and some random guy behind me said he'd give me his gift card to pay for it instead, and i'd only have to pay him half of what got taken off the card with my purchase. an on sale $90 dollar jacket ended up only costing me 31 dollars. go figure.

i was almost fired from being a teacher because i didn't take my praxis tests in time. ever heard of a praxis? its kinda like SATs for teachers. i ended up passing them all though. the first time around, and on time. pretty vindicating experience considering how close i was to being shit outta luck.

im going to an orioles game in the end of august, but don't own a single piece of clothing that says baltimore or orioles on it. i recently saw a picture of a californian wearing an orioles hat. i never knew cali folks liked the O's. unless the pic was actually in baltimore...


good night everyone.

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the number is lesser in value..and easier to swallow
~'would you like something to drink'
if your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done
~'the words "best friend" become redefined'
if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, i'll follow you into the dark
~'i'll follow you into the dark'
i'll be floating out at sea, waiting for periscopes to spot my warm body
~'no ace, just you'
this is the part where i'll admit i'm getting what i deserve
~'lost and found'
lets sleep tonight on a bed of nails, so that every other night doesn't seem so painful after all
~'beter than sex'
if it were up to me, you're gone, i've been dying to get it into you somehow
~'histrionics'
hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that i am not there, i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this
~'bruised'
wanna fuck up my life?-i'll let you.
~'knotes'
this is the rhythm i was signing to the beat of my feat as i walked away
~'i fought the broad (and the broad won)'
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
if i could, i'd only want to make you smile
~'make you smile'
the past is only the future with the lights on
~'baby, come on'
morning always comes too quick when you're around..
~'still breathing'
i beg not to escape permeating my pores, whetting my appetite for more
~'amanda's poem about unicorns '
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
love me gently with a chainsaw
~'tie her down'
smiles and her laughter, its the only thing that ive been waiting for
~'emily'
so many high points on this last leg, i cant wait to recount them- it seems like nothings happened until ive shared them with you
~'shirts and gloves'
ur lips, ur eyelashes- ur skin, these are the parts of ur body that cause my comatose to begin
~'all hail the heartbreaker'

lets start out-by starting over... ~'lovers and liars'

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